The series on relationships that we’ve started makes one look at their own lives and examine the relationships they have. Many people ignore the importance and power of relationships. Your relationships, or the way you relate, determine your success as a person. Relationships can affect you, depending on the type of relationships you have with people. Let us take a closer examination of this subject and check our own lives and ourselves.
“Relationships are the heart of the kingdom”, what does this mean? The Kingdom of God operates through relationships. Structures are created through relationships, we relate through relationships. The structure is the order of the house, those who have a close relationship with the man of God, the sons and daughters. Then there are those who relate as, ‘random church goers’, associates, friends of the church and so on. There are different levels of relation and set structures within the house of God. These structures create order in the house, so it’s important to understand relationships and how important they are in the kingdom. Everything is created and works through relationships.
You attract your own kind – the people that you relate with, show the kind of person that you are. The reason why you love certain people so much is because you see yourself in them and they are who you are. Everyone seeks to find someone or something that represents them in the world, be it in music, in celebrities and in role models. You are attracted to someone because you see you in them; you have a lot in common, think alike and complement each other. People are attracted to you because of who you are. You identify yourself in people you take interest in.
The inner court and outer court as referred to in the bible Ezekiel 40, speaks about the level of intimacy. The bible tells us about the holy of holies, the tabernacle, in which only the priests could enter, and God would make appearances. It was an intimate place covered by curtains, veil, it was God’s special dwelling place. So the same with relationships, we have relationships that are outer court relationships and relationships that are inner court relationships.
Types and Levels of relationships
Inner court relationships- would be people you let into your heart, people you love. When you let people come into your inner court, you become vulnerable, because they know your weak spots, your flaws, and your failures. The very same people that you let in can be dangerous to you, because of the knowledge they have. The only people capable of hurting you are those you let into your heart.
Inner court relationships- These are the people that you can trust with your life. These are people that are committed, loyal, honest, and truthful and would lay down their lives for you. These are people that you tell things that you wouldn’t tell someone you relate with at the outer court. These people can be your pillar of strength when you need them. This person know you at your weakest, they know you at your strongest. Not saying they will never disappoint you because the bible says cursed is the man who puts his trust in man. This is where patience and forgiveness comes in a relationship. If there’s a matter you resolve it quickly and hold no grudges. In this relationship you both lose things to benefit the other, you help each other. You correct each other and tell each other the right way, there’s respect love and understanding.
You both make an effort as relationships are a 2way stream, you both give you best. This type of relationship you bring out the best in each other, correct each other to the right way as love does not rejoice in evil. You’re willing to make the sacrifice as love is an action word. You encourage and motivate each other, loving and caring. There are even things you joke about that are personal that won’t offend you but would offend you if it were someone from the outer court.
The outer court - is the people that you only relate with to a certain extent, acquaintances. These people are not very close to you, you may relate with them for many reasons. Work colleagues, partner in business, for whatever the course that connects you two. It could also be friends that are not too close to you or it’s not a sincere or true friendship.
So as gatekeepers of our hearts, we decide who we let in. Most of us make the mistake of letting the wrong people into our hearts. We must first be able to weigh the relationship, see if it’s good or for us, before we let people into our inner courts. The reason why most of us get hurt and mistreated by people is because we let people that don’t sincerely care about us in our inner courts. Especially those you know you relate to a certain level and it stops there, those that are in the outer court. We must be careful being wise as serpent and humble as a dove.
Multitudes – Multitudes are the people that you don’t need. The people that come to you because of what they see and what you have. Like the multitude that followed Jesus because of the signs and wonders and because he gave them bread, there are people who relate with you, just for what you have. These are the people that you do not need in your life that will abandon you when days are dark. When you have many things that benefit people, are wealthy and doing well, you have many friends. Some of them are not there for you, so this is where you evaluate the relationship. This way you can filter out the multitudes.
Tests - In the previous sermons we’ve talked about, every relationship goes through tests. Everything in fact goes through tests, anything not tested is not worthy of use. When you go through a test in a relationship, that’s when the true characters are revealed. That’s when you get to see the intentions and the motives of a person. For instance if you’re going through a rough patch in your life and it seems like everything is going downhill, not many people will be there for you. Those who do not deny you during this time are people who don’t sincerely care for you.
Winter season- the winter season comes to dry out everything, and during this dry season there are leaves that fall off the tree. The same with you as person when you go through this winter season in your life, all the unnecessary people will fall off. Because you are not producing any fruit you will lose some ‘friends’ and those who are there for what you have. This is a tough season but it’s necessary to test the relationships you have and get rid of the people you don’t need in your life.
Vampires – Vampire relationships are very unhealthy and it’s hard to determine a person’s motives, but along the way, you pick up certain things and it has an effect on the relationship. Vampires are people that take anything they can from you. They are the people that come to you because they have something to gain. Vampires are takers and not givers; they leave you dry by taking advantage of you. These people use you and only expect things but are never willing to make the sacrifice. Vampires suck the life out of you, and leave you exhausted. This type of relationship is draining and it takes away your energy and passion, because you’re the only one trying to make it work.
As a result of being exhausted and drained, people create walls towards other people. If you’ve been hurt by people you tend to shut down and think that everyone is as insincere and it makes you insecure.
“A wounded animal is a dangerous animal”, because you have been hurt and mistreated by people, people have taken advantage of you, you push away anyone that comes close to you. It causes you to become defensive and you will never let down your guard and get to know someone, it causes you to be hard to get through to. All that we’ve been through as humans and people of God, is to make us wiser not bitter. So the important thing if you have been in those situations is to forgive and move on, letting the pain and resentment go.
But at the same to we must be wiser and smarter, be able to discern who’s here for the right reasons and who’s there to exploit you. So in that note it’s okay to pretend to people that you know are insincere and gossip behind your back. The bible teaches us to be kind, forgiving and gracious. This doesn’t mean that you should allow people to walk all over you; it just means you’re mature enough to be the bigger person.
It also doesn’t mean once a true friend has hurt you that you shouldn’t forgive them, love covers all things and it keeps no records of wrongs. We all human and we make mistakes, you know when someone who really cares for you hurts you and they regret it. Although when the trust is broken it can drift you apart or the trial can make your relationship stronger.
It’s not what a person does that matters, it’s they do about it, if they apologise and really show remorse, there’s no reason for you to give up on the friendship. If they do nothing to reconcile and they have really betrayed you, then you have to be careful around that person, but still love them. It’s very hard to love everyone even though they’ve betrayed you and hurt you. But it takes a wise mature person to rise above this. It’s important to know that God wants to love through us, even when we can’t. Allow God to love his people through you, your love can never be enough.
The way that you relate with people shows your maturity as a person and is very important because it shows who you are. As a child of God it is important to acknowledge that we operate in love and take care of relationships. Relationships need nurturing, caring and attention. Not every relationship is vital or needed, some relationships are useless.
At the same time there are people that you meet, that will unlock the greatness in you. There are people you meet and you will never be the same again. These are the people in which your breakthrough and advancement lies. These are people that God has assigned to you, so that you reach your destiny, so that you unleash the potential you never knew you had. We all need those people in our lives. You need that person will inspire you and drive you to become better and get our blessing. Connect with the connector and you will be connected. In order to get where you are going you will need someone, you will need that person. In this person your step forward and your possessions lye, you need to get close to that person and appreciate and honour them. God uses people and God speaks through people. God has assigned certain people for us so that his will about our lives will be done.
You need to ask yourself, why are we relating? If there relationship is not adding any value to your life, it’s probably a relationship you don’t need. At that point you will know that you only relate with that person to a certain level and it stops there. So there has to be a cord that connects you in the relationship. If there’s no cord there’s nothing that connects you.
It’s important that you protect your heart and also guard your heart at the same time. Guard your heart in that you keep it pure and have a forgiving heart but don’t let everyone come into your heart, protect it.
Jesus grew in statue in favour with man and in favour with God. If we want to adopt the life of Christ and portray the life of Jesus, we need to know how to relate with people. When you associate with people of a higher level, show that you appreciate and honour them. If you associate with people that you are higher than, come down to their level and be able to relate with everyone on every level.
